Snap, Crackle & Arrgghhh

I was wanderin' around Long's Drugs and I came upon a box o' Kellogg's Rice Krispies sittin' out with old Captain Jack Sparrow on t' fore.

'They're doubloonsin' in mate,' I thought to meself. Dredgin' up t' merchandisin' revenue straight from starboard here at t' end o' t' shoppin' aisles. Well, push came t' shove and I thought I had t' comment on this egregious merchandisin' strategy.

And then in t' process t' boot, I find not only be we in sight o' National Talk Like A Pirate Day on September 19th, but I found this nifty English-to-Pirate translator starboard thar at t' top o' t' Google booty pile.

'Those scurvy dogs,' I muttered t' meself turnin' over t' box t' come upon several promotional offers designed t' have me cuttin' UPC symbols off t' underside o' corporate America's packagin'.

And on top o' that, two jokes starboard squarely aimed and some poor slovenly 10-year old who, for one reason or another, be lustin' t' become Captain Jack Sparrow, or Will Turner, or maybe even (as I learn from t' box) Ragetti- who's spent t' better part o' two Jerry Bruckheimer movies chasin' his glass eye here and about.

So while satisfyin' t' 10-year-old's lust as s/he grapples after t' scissors before t' little sister can get t' them t' start cuttin' open t' box, Kellogg's be aye t' be takin' t' high road- tellin' us t' power o' a good laugh (to strengthen our abdominal muscles, reduce stress and improve blood pressure). That paired with some went t' Davy Jones' lockerly pirate puns.

Be that what, save for a box o' Rice Krispies, our sprogs have been reduced to? Three bulletpoints that could be applied t' any age group takin' their crispies as 'part o' a daily balanced diet?'